Why is everything moving at warp speed??
Today I went to make paper with Taka, Yukiko and Ashley. It was a great way to spend a day after sooo many late nights working on a computer. I just remember having this big grin on my face last night when I went to bed, b/c I was so happy to sleep a full night! So papermaking....it was so relaxful, other than having a bug fly into my eye and killing it with my eyelid and having Yukiko take it out of my eye. Walking around the garden, taking deliberate time to look at the small details of a leaf or a flower. It was nice to get away from the crowded and rushed pace of Tokyo. It was a nice reminder of Kyoto and Nara...seeing the mountains and people in a simpler way of life. I imagined how nice it must be to work at that paper place. It seemed so relaxful, with the sounds of water everywhere and the cool breeze that would blow through the workspace. Having been on my computer to do most of the work I've done in my career, it's so nice for me anytime I get to make something with my hands. and I especially liked the process of using found things in nature and then carefully placing them and then having them pressed into paper...frozen in time. That's what I want right now is to be frozen in time. I don't ever want to forget this place and what I'm feeling. So we had about a 2 hour ride to get to the papar making place and then the same distance to travel to get back. This gave me some much needed time to think and reflect all that's been going on lately.
So the big realization that hit me, was how quickly time was speeding by and how unwilling Taka was to try and stop time for us. He just laughed at the suggestion instead. So I'm in a little bit of a panic as I realize I will be heading home to life as I knew it very shortly. It's been nice to step away from my life for this time as I never really take the time out that I need to focus just on me. So during this time here, I've found out alot about myself and what I think I want in life...or at least I have some better idea of what kinds of questions to ask myself when I get stuck. I think Japan will always be my secret getaway in life, and that'll be nice to know I always have an evacuation plan if I need it.
I've thought about the idea of living here and where I would really love that, I realize without knowing the language I wouldn't want to live like that long term. The other thing that I'm not quite sure about is how possible it would be for me to find work here as a designer...mainly the fact I am a woman. Even in America I am in the minority in my field and have gone through enough frustration feeling like I've had to prove myself that much more because of my age and sex. I imagine the only way to be recognized here would be to be internationally recognized...so that'll be one for my list. After taking to Geeta about the role of women here in Japan I couldn't help but try and put myself in their shoes. I felt bad for them as it seemed like thier future was predetermined, leaving them with fashion and consumerism as their only outlet for expression and creativity. So I have to say that after thinking about these things, I find myself very fortunate that I live in a place where I can have dreams and goals and work my way to making them a reality, no matter of my background, race, sex, age, etc.
So for now I realize that I want to work in America, but maybe at a job that would enable me to come to Japan for business, say for collaborations...that would be super. I'm glad I have another year of grad school to think about all that though. there still is a lot I need to process from my trip here, alot of thoughts about discovering myself and the design that I enjoy doing, and what kinds of stories I want to tell and how I can use my work to bring awareness to certain issues.
10 days and counting...
posted by thesupersparkle @ 11:54 AM
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